When I first started this blog I imagined it as a creative outlet to share with friends and complete strangers, my creative works and my opinions on the costumes/designs and fashion elements in today's media. Through showcasing costumes in particular films and media; I hoped to cause the the viewer/audience to consider or notice certain elements that they otherwise would not. As viewers we often become so engrossed in the story telling, plot twist and character development of a television show, movie, etc. that we barely have time to acknowledge and appreciate the visual components that cause us to connect.
To put it simply, I created this blog because I absolutely love the entertainment industry! I am a very visual person and often times sentimental.(why do you think this blog is called rose-colored lenses) I'm pretty sure there is a quote somewhere about life being a series of moments and the entertainment industry allows us to experience various moments that we otherwise would have never dared or dreamed. Through this blog I hope to focus on and expound upon the many moments in entertainment that we loved(loved to hate), and how the costumes/wardrobe influenced them.
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| uhh.... thanks tumblr? |
Your probably thinking "Okay...so what happened? Writing about something your genuinely interested in and passionate about may be stressful but it should be a piece of cake right?" Well sure and for most people it probably is! My dilemma however; is not the dreaded writer's block that inevitably plagues many an author. *Fun fact I have about 14 article drafts sitting in my folder right now* No, my dilemma lies in the fact that I tend to procrastinate when feeling stressed, and as a person who has been medically diagnosed with an anxiety disorder; I tend to feel stressed out a lot!
For those of you who don't know, anxiety is a normal part of the human experience, it is an emotion that everyone has or will at some point or another feel at some point in their lives. Feelings of anxiety or nervousness can occur when there is trouble at work, before an important decision needs to be made, or a grade-changing exam needs to be taken. However anxiety disorders vary in that the worry and fear a person feels is constant and overwhelming to the point that it impacts the person's ability to live a normal life.
This stunning photo by Katie Crawford captures what it can be like for those who suffer from an anxiety disorder
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| "My head is filling with helium. Focus is fading. Such a small decision to make. Such an easy question to answer. My mind isn't letting me. It’s like a thousand circuits are all crossing at once." -Katie Crawford |
During high school, I had pretty much planned out how my life would be through college and where I would be in my career/social life four years later. I pretty much expected things to just fall into place. I mean why not right? I pretty much did everything right. I did well in high school, was in a lot of clubs, never got in any fights, or drug/alcohol related incidents. I knew exactly who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do in life!
So when life, took a very sharp and unexpected turn left, it unraveled me. Without a backup plan, or anything new and concrete to get myself back on track I completely spiraled, kind of like Blair Waldorf in Gossip Girl when she found out she got rejected from Yale (but with much less destructive behavior and alcohol involved). My life no longer looked the way it was supposed to, and try as I might to stay positive and salvage what was left of the path I had previously laid out for myself; I realize now, that I was only becoming more and more lost.
My anxiety would cause me to have panic attacks and intervals of severe depression. As a means of coping I would ignore or put off any stressful thing that didn't require my immediate attention (horrible, HORRIBLE way to cope by the way). In return, I neglected not only this blog but other things in my life like my academic career, appearance and social life.
So why write now? Honestly, I have been wanting to write about this for a while but I wasn't sure if this was the right platform to do so. The thought of having complete strangers, my peers or friends getting a glimpse of a time in my life when I was at my lowest and at my most vulnerable, definitely made uploading this difficult. However, I've been wanting to move forward with my blog for some time and I feel like addressing part of whats been holding me back will help me progress and could potentially help someone else dealing with anxiety or any other stumbling block in life.
Much like Rapunzel in Tangled I chose to stop waiting for my life to begin. Dr. Phil once said, "Life rewards action" and for some reason that still really resonates with me. I realize that ignoring your problems does not make them go away; you must actively seek to change them. Although I still struggle with my anxiety disorder, I strive everyday to be active in being the person I want to be and living the life I want to live.
I'm still unsure of which path I'll take or exactly what my future will be. My life is vastly different than what I imagined it would be four years ago, and my path is definitely different than the traditional road to success, but that's okay. In fact, it's more than okay! And for the first time, in the three years that I've told myself this... I actually do believe it.
If you would like to learn more information about anxiety disorders check out some of these amazing links below.
- more artwork from Katie Crawford
- Anxiety vs. Anxiety Disorder
- Anxiety disorder myths debunked and help
- Information from the National Institute of Mental Health
And a special thanks to these websites and blogs for helping me gif this article up!
